Sharing Of Any Essay: In Their Own Words – I Have Autism

I have autism. I hold only a few similarities to the character in “Rain Man.” When I am out on the playground, never say to my mother, “I would have never guessed that; he looks so normal” The face of autism is not a defined one.

I have autism. This does not mean I am deaf, nor does it mean I can’t understand your words. When cruel things are said, it hurts just like it would anyone else. Sometimes even more, as I am very sensitive.

I have autism. I am not blind. When you stare at me, point, and whisper – I don’t like it. I sometimes cannot control my emotions; however, I still can see you.

I have autism. I am not spoiled, undisciplined, or disrespectful intentionally. Don’t tell my parents I just need to be smacked, as that would never work and I smack back! All I know is if I am being hurt I must defend myself.

I have autism. This does not mean I am mentally delayed. I am very smart. I may focus on only a few things, but I have become an expert on them.

I have autism. Don’t think I am not capable of love or am emotionally detached from the world around me. I am very close to my family and sometimes need to be hugged. I do have the capacity to care. Especially if I see someone else being hurt or teased.

I have autism. I will line things up on the floor in my room in perfect order. This may be strange, but to me it is contentment. I can only relax if things are in sync.

I have autism. Which means I am supersensitive to sounds; I hear all of them. Even the smallest of sounds. When I get overloaded with too many sounds at once, It is hard to cope and I must step away and be alone. This does not mean I can’t handle the world, I just have to have more time to tune out as I hear more than everyone.

I have autism. I live by schedules. This is one of the ways I have found to cope with the chaos around me. Knowing what is going to happen at a certain time each day helps me prepare for transitions. That is why it is difficult for me to deal with a schedule change. I have to have order to obtain peace.

I have autism. It is very important for people to mean what they say That is why joking with me is never understood. Things are black and white to me, like a set schedule. If you say you are going to turn blue in five minutes, I expect you to do so.

So remember, having autism does not mean I am blind, retarded, unresponsive, incapable of love, or unable to function in the real world. I am unique and gifted because I have found a way to coexist within two very separate worlds. Take a moment to think about how many of us have difficulty within just the one world we live, now imagine juggling two. This is something I have learned to do. So forgive me if at times I have trouble separating the two, again I am only human.

I often hear people say to my mom, “It must be so hard for you” – no one ever says that to me. In fact, no one expects me to understand or respond because of the face society has painted autism to be. I do not know all that autism is, but I know who I am. I am special, and cherished. Almost like a superhero I was set aside to have these unique abilities. They are not a disability. They are not something to fear. In a way they are magical. I have unlocked parts of my brain that others cannot.

When you look at me, don’t look at me with sadness or feel sorry for me. Look at me with wonderment and I will amaze you every time.

This “In Their Own Words” essay is written by Tonya Procor, a loving mother of a son with autism

Winners Statement:- ''If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.'' (Henry David Thoreau)

Overcoming Yourself (Sharing This Note)

“You are who you think you are”… this is very true in every aspect of that statement. It is not difficult to see that we are often our biggest obstacle… not the problem itself… not the people around us… not fate… not destiny… In every situation (even in the worst), there is always a brighter side of things… a positive side that we can focus on…

So how do we move from a state of helplessness to a state of empowerment? How do we overcome those negative thoughts that are distracting you and keeping you from moving ahead? How do we overcome ourselves?

When something bad happens (and I can tell you.. bad things will ALWAYS happen), there are two ways that we can respond to it... react negatively to it… or react positively to it… We all know the consequence of our negative response and the need to respond positively. Then why it is easier said than done? Is responding positively really so difficult?

Honestly, there may be a million answers why humans respond negatively when they know that they shouldn’t. I’m sure I can write a quite an endless list of it but why would I want to do that? Do you see where I’m heading? I mean why spend good energy & efforts to try to measure something that will give you an undesirable outcome anyway? Isn’t that unproductive? Why don’t we focus on the positive thoughts? But how to do that when negative thoughts keep popping up before you? (familiar?)

Here’s how I do it. I saw a joke about a problem solving flowchart and I thought to myself that the answer could be in a simple flowchart below:-

Well, if you’re the sort that screams… “but… but”… GET REAL… GET DECISIVE… In life, there are not but’s.. I mean, seriously,… if you cannot solve the problem and nothing can be done about it, then dwelling on it or feeling lousy about it (till the cows come home) ain’t gonna help either. Discard those contemplating negative thoughts immediately before they consume you.

And if you’re the type that goes… “what if this”… “what if that”…. Try using “so what if” and “so what are you doing about it?” instead… For example:“So what if I have cancer? What am I gonna do about it?”… “So what if I’m a bankrupt? What am I gonna do about it?”… “So what if I’m gonna die tomorrow? What am I gonna do about it?”…

You see, it is not “what if I’m gonna die tomorrow” that will matter… it is what you decide to do AFTER you make that statement “so what?”… “So what if I’m gonna die tomorrow? I still have now till tomorrow to be happy?” THAT… my friends… is what makes the difference… Instead of sulking your way to your grave, won’t one be better off enjoying whatever one has left till then..

In this perspective, the problem don’t matter anymore. Since you cannot do anything to change the destination, you can always choose how you wanna get there, right?

Winners Statement:-

'Plant the seed of desire in your mind and it forms a nucleus with power to attract to itself everything needed for its fulfillment'' (Robert Collier)

Cheers & God Bless!

Ten ways to build your child's self-esteem(By Sarah Henry)

Nurturing your child's self-esteem may seem like a hefty responsibility. After all, a feeling of self-worth lays the foundation for your child's future as he sets out to try new things on his own. "Self-esteem comes from having a sense of belonging, believing that we're capable, and knowing our contributions are valued and worthwhile," says California family therapist Jane Nelsen, co-author of the Positive Discipline series."

As any parent knows, self-esteem is a fleeting experience," says Nelsen. "Sometimes we feel good about ourselves and sometimes we don't. What we are really trying to teach our kids are life skills like resiliency." Your goal as a parent is to ensure that your child develops pride and self-respect — in himself and in his cultural roots — as well as faith in his ability to handle life's challenges (for a school-age child that may mean giving a dance performance for you). Here are ten simple strategies to help boost your child's self-esteem:

Give unconditional love. A child's self-esteem flourishes with the kind of no-strings-attached devotion that says, "I love you, no matter who you are or what you do." Your child benefits the most when you accept him for who he is regardless of his strengths, difficulties, temperament, or abilities. So, lavish him with love. Give him plenty of cuddles, kisses, and pats on the shoulder. And don't forget to tell him how much you love him. When you do have to correct your child, make it clear that it's his behavior — not him — that's unacceptable. For instance, instead of saying, "You're a naughty boy! Why can't you be good?" say, "Please don't throw the football in the house. A football is an outside toy."

Pay attention. Carve out time to give your child your undivided attention. That does wonders for your child's feelings of self-worth because it sends the message that you think he's important and valuable. It doesn't have to take a lot of time; it just means taking a moment to stop flicking through the mail if he's trying to talk with you or turning off the TV long enough to answer a question. Make eye contact so it's clear that you're really listening to what he's saying. When you're strapped for time, let your child know it without ignoring his needs. Say, "Tell me all about what happened at soccer practice, and then when you're finished, I'll need to make our dinner."

Teach limits. Establish a few reasonable rules for your child. For instance, if you tell him to wear his helmet when he rides his bike in the driveway, don't let him go without it at his friend's house. Knowing that certain family rules are set in stone will help him feel more secure. He'll start to live by your expectations soon enough. Just be clear and consistent and show him that you trust him and expect him to do the right thing.

Support healthy risks. Encourage your child to explore something new, such as trying a different food, making a new friend, or riding a skateboard. Though there's always the possibility of failure, without risk there's little opportunity for success. So let your child safely experiment, and resist the urge to intervene. For instance, try not to "rescue" him the minute he's showing mild frustration at figuring out how to read a tricky word. Jumping in to say, "I'll do it" can foster dependence and diminish your child's confidence. You'll build his self-esteem by balancing your need to protect him with his need to tackle new tasks.

Let mistakes happen. The flip side, of course, of having choices and taking risks is that sometimes your child is bound to make mistakes. These are valuable lessons for your child's confidence. So if your child misses the school bus because he was dawdling in his bedroom, encourage him to think about what he might do differently next time. That way his self-esteem won't sag and he'll understand that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes. When you goof up yourself, admit it, says Daniel Meier, assistant professor of elementary education at San Francisco State University. Acknowledging and recovering from your mistakes sends a powerful message to your child — it makes it easier for your child to accept his own difficulties.

Celebrate the positive. Everyone responds well to encouragement, so make an effort to acknowledge the good things your child does every day within his earshot. For instance, tell his dad, "Peter did all his chores today without prompting." He'll get to bask in the glow of your praise and his dad's heartening response. And be specific. Instead of saying "Good job," say, "Thank you for setting the table for dinner." This will enhance his sense of accomplishment and self-worth and let him know exactly what he did right.

Listen well. If your child needs to talk, stop and listen to what he has to say. He needs to know that his thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions matter. Help him get comfortable with his emotions by labeling them. Say, "I understand you're sad because you can't go to the sleepover." By accepting his emotions without judgment, you validate his feelings and show that you value what he has to say. If you share your own feelings ("I'm worried about Grandma. She's very sick"), he'll gain confidence in expressing his own.

Resist comparisons. Comments such as "Why can't you be more like your brother?" or "Why can't you be nice like Evan?" will just remind your child of where he struggles in a way that fosters shame, envy, and competition. Even positive comparisons, such as "You're the best player" are potentially damaging because a child can find it hard to live up to this image. If you let your child know that you appreciate him for the unique individual he is, he'll be more likely to value himself too.

Offer empathy. If your child compares himself unfavorably to his siblings or peers ("Why can't I throw a football like Nicholas?"), show him empathy and then emphasize one of his strengths. For instance, say, "You're right. Nicholas is good at throwing a football. And you're a fast runner." This can help your child learn that we all have strengths and weaknesses, and that he doesn't have to be perfect to feel good about himself.

Provide encouragement. Every child needs the kind of support from loved ones that signals, "I believe in you. I see your effort. Keep going!" Encouragement means acknowledging progress — not just rewarding achievement. So if your child is struggling with a math problem, say: "You're trying very hard and you almost have it!" instead of "Not like that. Let me do it."

There's a difference between praise and encouragement. One rewards the task while the other rewards the person ("You did it!" rather than "I'm proud of you!"). Praise can make a child feel that he's only "good" if he does something perfectly. Encouragement, on the other hand, acknowledges the effort. "Tell me about the game. I saw you really hustling out there" is more helpful than saying, "You're the best player on the team." Too much praise can sap self-esteem because it can create pressure to perform and set up a continual need for approval from others. So dole out the praise judiciously and offer encouragement liberally; it will help your child grow up to feel good about himself.

Share A Movie – Miracle Run

This movie is a good reflection of what we parents face in real life, the inspiration for the Lifetime movie and a guide for parents confronting their autistic children's journeys . Watched it last Mar in 2009, share again in my blog with new parents and exisiting parents who wish to seek inspiration & strength in the learning journey with Autism. Parents of autistic children often wonder: What will happen to our kids when they grow up? Can they work? Have relationships and their own families? Here is the poignant story of one woman watching her autistic boys reach adulthood.

Miracle Run (2004) – movieStarring: MARY-LOUISE PARKER, AIDAN QUINN, ZAC EFRONSingle mom Corrine discovers that her twins are autistic. She refuses to give up on their potential, even though it seems that the rest of the world has turned its back on them. Thanks to this incredible mother's support, her boys accomplish the unimaginable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUR1aJ9GcIU

Life does not always work the way we'd like it to. If we had our way, it would be easier, consistently fair, and more fun. There'd be no pain and suffering, we wouldn't have to work, and we wouldn't have to die. We'd be happy all the time. Unfortunately, we don't get our way. We get reality instead. But reality is a great teacher, it helps us learn, although often slowly and painfully, some of life's most valuable lesson.


Winners Statment:-

Life is a serious of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them? - M.Scott Peck

Ten Commandments for Parents of Kids with Autism & Special Needs

These commandments have been floating around the internet in one form or another in various places for a while now, but we felt they spoke to the essence of what parents of children on the spectrum need be reminded from time to time. All of us deal with hope and heartbreak, recovery and regression and lose sight of these valuable principles as a result of things sometimes. Some parents print them out and post them as a reminder to themselves as to what is really important. Others bookmark them and revisit them when they need the comfort of their ideals. To each his own. Feel free to share them, save them, link to them, or encourage others to remember what is truly important in our lives one day at a time…all our children deserve nothing less.

1. Take one day at a time, and take that day positively. You don't have control over the future, but you do have control over today.

2. Never underestimate your child's potential. Allow them, encourage them, expect them to develop to the best of his abilities.

3. Find and allow positive mentors: parents and professionals who can share with you their experience, advice, and support.

4. Provide and be involved with the most appropriate educational and learning environments for your child from infancy on.

5. Keep in mind the feelings and needs of your spouse and your other children. Remind them that this child does not get more of your love just because he gets more of your time.

6. Answer only to your conscience: then you'll be able to answer to your child. You need not justify your actions to your friends or the public.

7. Be honest with your feelings. You can't be a super-parent 24 hours a day. Allow yourself jealousy, anger, pity, frustration, and depression in small amounts whenever necessary.

8. Be kind to yourself. Don't focus continually on what needs to be done. Remember to look at what you have accomplished.

9. Stop and smell the roses. Take advantage of the fact that you have gained a special appreciation for the little miracles in life that others take for granted.

10. Keep and use a sense of humor. Cracking up with laughter can keep you from cracking up from stress.

Autism is the fastest growing disability on the planet according to the Centers for Disease Control. More children will be diagnosed with Autism this year than with pediatric cancers, AIDS and Diabetes combined. This means more parents and families will be looking for the same encouragement, assistance and answers that we are. Embrace them, Share with them, Support them in anyway and everyway as we ourselves would want to be treated. Regardless if you’re loved one with Autism is 18 months old or 81 years young we are all on the spectrum and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Gandhi said: “The truest reflection of any society is how it treats its most vulnerable citizens”. By treating others in our cause they way we ourselves want to be treated we set forth an example to inspire the willing and compassionate members of society. Compassion begins with Awareness, but must inspire Action if we are ultimately to make a difference for those living with Autism Spectrum Disorders today.

My Community- Shopping Outing @ Bishan Junction 8

The little drizzle in the morning did not dampen our mood, it stopped just in time for a beautiful shopping outing with our little STAR. I was told by teacher that he will transit to classroom first to complete 2 scheduled task activities before proceeding to the actual main event on the outing.

While waiting, my wife went through the schedule and shopping items list with our little STAR. After completing the 2 task activities in class:-Circles Time & Work By Myself, he & the group proceed with respective adults & teachers to transit out for the actual outing proper. I am glad that my little STAR has learned to follow adult agenda in transiting successfully to bus stop & take a bus ride to Junction 8. Remembered back at the very first outing last year in 2009, he had a melt down in coping with this change of transport having get use to travelling in my car.

At every transiting point, along this trip, we will ask and guide our son to put a tick on the work system schedule. Upon reaching the designated shopping ground, we were given about 2o minutes to go through with our little STAR to buy the 4 pre-selected items on our list. Again at every item picked, we will ask him to put a tick across the item on the visual support to signify finish. We managed to complete the purchase with about 5 minutes left. Everything went as plan with engagement at prompt level 4 but mostly at 5. The only challenge that we faced is after he picked up the last item on the list which is his favourite food~sushi rice, he wanted to eat straight away. As it was paid separately unlike other items which need to pay at cashier counter, we follow his agenda this time to manage success. He actually enjoyed eating it while waiting for others friend to complete their shopping activities.

Snack Time was conducted in MacDonald before we end this purposeful outing under the theme My Community. This is just one of the many ways that we can offer opportunities to him in learning to interact, communicate and manage the task with different people. We are glad that we had completed this due process for Term 2 but the journey continues...

I had taken opportunity to translate the schedule from today's shopping experience into a social story to recall with Fabian before bed time.

On the side line, I met a mum in the lift during morning transition to classroom activities, who is currently going through what I went through last year when I was a new parents in this learning journey, manage to say "Hi" to her, she apologised for not returning my email, I said no problem and no worries with a smile, hope my gesture did give her some strength she needs. Another mum also mentioned she read my blog, and given me positive feedback, told her to continue to hope for everything, do not give up on any failures or setback but take opportunity to work even harder to convert for future success. Another dad told me that my little STAR has progressed well, I thank him for his kind words. Every child has different needs, strength and weakness, we must continue to focus on our little STAR, offer them opportunity to learn and have fun while learning, I also see his son has come along well, he has got great potential and his age is an advantage with EIP commencing much earlier than my little STAR.

Our acknowledgement of the unsatisfactory parts of life, and ability to make up for these lacks through our’s own efforts, is precisely the attitude to approach the regrets in our lives. The attitude & feeling we adopt towards these regrets is extremely important. A different attitude can result in a completely different quality of life. Clearly this will not be possible without the proper support and guidance and coaching of the teachers in EIP and those therapists who have contributed collective towards the child growing up. Increasing the ability to hold on to future happiness is the greatest thing I have learn in my journey with Autism. We are proud of our little STAR, Brave on SON! Mummy & Daddy will stand by you irregardless of what you are or may become.

Winner's Statement:-

Every negative event contains within it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.

Motivation DNA

Motivation is one of the greatest keys to success in every area of our lives. It is the power that creates action, it is a state of mind, an attitude, a way of thinking, being and doing that can reap rewards beyond your wildest dreams, one has got to learn how to activate and sustain motivation inorder to fulfill commitment that comes with effort.

In order to effectively motivate yourself and others, you must first understand the 4 laws of Motivation:-

Law #1: Everyone is motivated differently
Law #2: Each Individual has a unique and distict motivational type
Law #3: What motivates one person can de-motivate another
Law #4: No one motivational type is "better" than any other


Although everyone is motivated, we are motivated differently separated by each own's Drives, Need & Awards(what we call Motivational DNA).


Drives are the internal forces that mobilize a person to act, it depend on whether one is competitive(Production Driven) or cooperative(Connection Driven)


Needs are core requirements that a person must have in order to feel fulfilled, it depends on whether one who prefer consistency, order & routine(Stability Need) or one who stimulated by new experiences and energized by change(Variety Need)


Awards are types of compensation or remuneration a person desires to reward achievement and encourage performance, it depends on what would make one feel more valued at work. If one rather have sincere appreciation without any financial bonus, you have what we call an Internal Award system. If one rather have the monetary bonus without appreciation, it will be call an External Award system


I sincerely believe & hope that my sharing will be timely as both tr & parents come to meet up for the IEP Progress late May. I always recognize and acknowledge that being a teacher for the children with special needs is not an easy job and it is important that each tr are motivated to give their best effort for a postive out come to the child under their intervention and what even important is to sustain that energy level without getting tire irregardless of what the out come it may be.


I still hope that I can learn more from teacher's sharing promptly so that miss opportunities are reduced to elevate Fabian's learning & growth.


Nevertheless, I will continue to show my sincere appreciation with gratitude to the teachers to cheer each others on and to maintain our mutual trust & understanding as we journey on.


Winner's Statement:-

“Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.”

Sowing Of Beautiful Seed - Beginning Of A New Learning Journey

I have been sharing quite a bit since year 2009 with teachers in partnership as we walk together in this learning journey with my son who has a special needs, to share updates on progress, seek comfort & advise for the various challenges that we face along the way, to encourage and motivate each others base on mutual trust and learning. In this first blog post, I will like to dedicate to all the people who have crossed path with us & made a difference to Fabian growing up by looking back to his 1 and a half years of progress until now.

It all began in mid 2008, when Fabian, our little Star in the family was diagnosed with ASD, a brain base developmental disorder, though we were prepared to accept this news with grace but unaware of the challenge that is to follow as he looks quite normal except some differences to his learning & behavior characteristic, having heard little about Autism before. As parents of child with Autism, our top priorities was to enroll him for EIP asap.

Fortunately we did not wait long before the good news arrived to commence his EIP in Jan 2009, the sowing of this beautiful seed for Fabian to mark the start of a new learning journey. He began with concrete skill level, usually in his own agenda and non verbal, the structure teaching had benefitted him greatly in understand the meaning of Start-Do-Finish-Keep, he picks up some school routine and work habits along the way. We also learn to use PECs as a way for him to initiate request and generalize with different people. As he is non verbal, we had also encountered several behavior & learning challenges from Fabian who will frequently face mood swing that cause a melt down and heart breaking moment to us. As young parents of a child with ASD, we will always be left with little answer to his special needs. I still remember that the first 2 outings was a difficult one, first to the zoo he melt down refusing to board the school bus, second at Bishan park he melt down again while waiting for his turn to go through the activities routine. The demand is at least 10 times greater as compare to neurotypical kids but thankfully, after attending several workshops and with the advise from special educator, Autism slowly became part of our life, and we know that in order to achieve the best outcome, we need take baby steps, tweak to his level of understanding, intrude into his world to get his join attention to better our engagement, so that he can have fun learning as we journey on. Fabian had great difficulties embracing changes during the initial few months, unpredictability & his limited communication skill only adds on to this adversities and we continue to hypothesize and try try try. Back at home, we will engage him on both outdoor play/quiet time, indoor people’s game & driving him around to enhance his predictability on various routes on the various road of advance so that he feels less anxious. Using his visual strength through the work system at photo level has also help reduced our effort in making him understand and follow our agenda in continuous learning.

It was not until the 3rd Term that he starts to open up verbally and things become easiers but more challenges remain yet to unfold. Fabian starts to say word, strings 2 or more words in his functional communication skill, he had progressed from own agenda to requestor and soon become early communicator with 4-5 spoken words in a sentences. We begin to use choice board to exercise his choice making, daily work schedule to enhance his predictability. On the same year Children Day, we commence his occupational therapist to elevate development to his fine motor skill & various sensory integration needed to better his executive function. We are glad & happy to see his progressed thus far, meeting most of the goals set in various area of focus to his IEP for the first year in EIP. We also committed him to sound therapy in his daily routine as part of collaboration with OT to continuously improve his attention, regulation, social behavior adjustment and motor skill

The year 2(2010) begins on a positive note where Fabian was being placed in a group setting, by now he is familiarize with the work system, the visual friendly learning environment has also cut down his lead time to learn. His self regulation, attention & executive function continue to progress in baby steps, and we will never fail to marvel each time he acquire a new skill. We also let him attend Kindermusik after CNY for 4 months which will end this coming early June to offer him opportunity in learning how to communicate in musical activities and know more words use in the song. Making the most of music also helps the child to have better attention, imitate adult from repetitive words use in the songs and motivate him to interact with other child & practice turn taking.

In early Mar, we manage to successfully enroll him to a pre-school center in our neighbourhood for the full day program for Mon & Tue to offer him greater opportunity to practise his independance skill in a natural environment and we are glad that he has since integrated well to the new pre-school environment so far, teachers are quite empathetic and supportive knowing that Fabian is special and had feedback with positive comments.

In May, we had just engaged 2 professional to work on his speech and literacy skill and hoping to explore in parallel his expressive and receptive language to complement his learning further to his EIP for the best outcome as he progress to partner communicator in the near future. As parent of child with autism, some days hope is what we have, others day hope is what we need. We must continue to empower ourselves to be drafted as teacher & therapist in loving, helping & supporting him in his learning as we journey on & stand by him 24/7 & for as long as we can take. We are very thankful and blessed to have come this far with Fabian, everyday is a new learning journey with Autism. Nevertheless, we must also be conscious of his elder sister who need equal love and attention from us, though we may not spend as much time with her these days so as to focus on his brother, we just have to tweak and attune our mind to draw a fine balance between engaging the 2 siblings.

Lately, we had also acertained 2 break through in unfolding challenges that has been difficult for child with Autism & Fabian without

exception:- barber & brushing teeth, glad that we can finally put this nightmare behind us to focus on others challenges. he is real cool with hair cut now and slowly gaining independence in brushing teeth.

We are looking forward to his coming end of Term Outing to generalize his skill learn to communicate, interact and complete his activities routine in shopping experience under the Theme of My Community, we hope to once again manage success and bring more cheers to people who have taken Fabian in this journey together.

Winner's Statement:-

"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."